The Bodyguard

Late winter, 2007:

I'm driving one afternoon with my six month old son strapped safely into his carseat in the backseat. It had snowed the night before, and it was below freezing even at two o'clock in the PM. The roads weren't icy, but they had patches of slickness. I'm going at about five under the limit, I feel safer at slower speeds, I can regain control easier if I happen to start to lose my footing. Ever since Tennyson was born, I make a point to be a better driver, and I'm more of a defensive driver than an offensive driver. But just because I have chosen to follow the DMV rules, doesn't mean other people have. And a "BABY ON BOARD" sticker or sign in the back window really doesn't do anything; people still drive just as crazy around you. A van suddenly cuts me off in my lane, going about 20 MPH less than I was, so I have to screech on my brakes. I slid a little before gaining control, and we continued on our way. When things like that happen, and you feel as if someone else has put your child in temporary (or not so temporary) danger, you feel this burning hatred towards the person, as if they had tried to kill your baby. I honked my horn at the guy that cut me off, and yelled at him too. I never had road rage previous to having Tennyson, and I know that it's because I'm feeling ultra-protective now. Okay, next scenario: I'm in the grocery store, and I'm only getting a couple small things so I put Tennyson in the stroller and skip the cart. I'm stopped in the middle of an aisle, reading labels, and someone going by me in the opposite direction hits my stroller with his cart, jostling my sleeping baby. Again, here's where that burning hatred comes through. I want to punch this guy. How dare he jostle my baby? Another example of this overwhelming need to protect our young is when others are disciplining your child. My sis-in-law watches our son in the mornings while I work, and since he's there about 20 hours a week, she has to discipline him. He's quite the rascal, he doesn't take no for an answer when it comes to touching things he shouldn't. Even though I know that he did something to deserve being disciplined, I can't help but want to rush to his defense when I hear her talking sharply to him. No, I don't want my son to be a brat or a bully, but at the same time, he's my baby.

Extra Baggage

I often see parents waddling down the street with their baby in one hand, and the baby bag in the other. What's wrong with this picture? The baby bag is bigger than the baby, and almost as big as they are! I wonder, what are these people putting in these baby bags? These are some of the items I have come to assume must be in those bags, otherwise why would they be so big?!

1. The nanny or babysitter
2. A spare baby in case you lose or damage your own
3. The TV set
4. That magic gizmo that puts your baby to sleep instantly, such as a vibrating bouncy chair or perhaps your swing
5. 472985 diapers when you're just running to the grocery store

I don't mean to mock or offend those who are guilty of carrying an oversized baby bag, and in fact, it's not a crime. I just feel the way I do based on the fact that I have always gotten away with carrying a small baby bag, and I've never been caught in a place where something in my small bag won't take care of an issue. The following are the contents of my baby bag currently:

1. Three diapers Three?? Three?! Yes, three. I make sure I have three diapers before leaving, and I replace whatever I used when I get home. If I know I'm going to be gone longer than two hours, I'll pack an additional diaper for each expected hour out. (I feel I must note here that I keep a pack of diapers in my car, so even if I'm out of the house, as long as I have my car, I'm not completely in a pickle. But leaving diapers in the car, even if it's just a few, allows me to lighten my bag load.)
2. A small pack of wipes...you don't need the whole box complete with dispensing top. Use those at home. You can get small plastic wipes in the shape of a book that hold maybe two dozen...plenty for on the road. Refill when needed.
3. A 20 oz. water.
4. A binky.
5. A baby blanket. It doubles as a changing pad and a warmth-giver.
6. They're not in the bag right now, but I premeasure 6 oz. of formula into bottles and bring one bottle per two hours I'm going to be gone. It beats lugging the formula can around, plus bottles.
7. A jar of Beech Nut Cinnamon Raisin Granola puree.
8. A baby spoon.
9. One toy. Yes, only one. Switch the toy up regularly so your baby doesn't get sick of playing with the same rattle in the car, but they don't need more than one, unless you're going away from home for longer than a day.

That's it! I know there are nine items there and some might be saying "That's not a small number" but if you consider the size and weight of all the objects, my bag is approximately the size of an L.L. Bean tote. Not bad. It even doubles as my purse sometimes!

So in conclusion:
1. Be realistic in thinking what you really need in your bag.
2. Be nice to your shoulders and neck! Your bag shouldn't be any heavier than 10-15 lbs depending on your frame. It could cause permanent damage.

Parenting As A Sport

My sister-in-law and her now-fiance had a baby girl, approximately five months after Tennyson was born. We all get along great, I'd go so far as to say that they're our best friends. My sis-in-law watches our son while I work part-time mornings, and we babysit if they want to go to a movie or out to eat. Tennyson, now 1, even will walk around our condo on the weekends shouting, "Kuh! Kuh!", looking for his cousin. It's as close to perfect as it can get, in terms of the friendship, childcare and family relationship. So what's the problem? What's todays blog about? The "C" word. Competition. Some people aren't very competitive, they either don't care what other people think of them or don't feel the need to surpass everyone. They're okay with not being the best all the time. On the other hand, some people are very competitive, and need to be the #1/first/best/greatest to ever live at everything. Think Monica from my favorite TV show Friends. Where does this tie into parenting? All current or past parents already know. Parenting is a very competitive sport. Yes, I used the underline. I will very rarely use the underline in my blogs, and if I do, it's to emphasize the chosen word to the fullest extent. Make note. :) I am an avid MySpace user, and sometimes you will get a questionnaire sent to you via the bulletin. These questionnaires are for fun, and often ask probing and intriguing questions like "When's the last time you were drunk?" or "Who are you missing right now?" or "Describe your most missed childhood memory..." or "Parenting is...". That last one is what got me. I answered "a joy, a challenge, a privilege, a learning experience and a sport". That's right, a sport. What equipment do you need? Just a child. No biggie. Lots of people can make those themselves, no ingredients or materials needed! How do you play? With that aforementioned child, raise it to the best of your ability and ensure that your child will be the #1/first/best/greatest at everything. (Wow, two in one blog...) Literally. Who's the best swimmer in the class? Your child. You and your best friend give birth within a month of each other. Whose child sleeps through the night first? Whose child took his or her first steps first? Who talks first? YOUR CHILD. What's the prize for winning this game? The satisfaction of knowing you're a good parent, who's child thrived because of, well, you. What, no money? No Porsche? No sailboat? Even better. PRIDE. Do you all know what I'm talking about? Am I the only one to see this happening? It's definitely a sport I dabble in. Back to my family, my sis-in-law and I definitely have a quietly executed match going on. We don't discuss it in a competitive manner, and when one of the kids meets a new developmental checkpoint, we're genuinely happy for them and proud of them. But we make a mental note of each child's checkpoint date, and compare it to our own child's. For example, Tennyson was doing an army crawl at 6 months and was up on his knees scurrying around at 7 months. "Kuh" is now almost eight months and is still attempting to push herself up off the ground. She's a very smart little girl, and I have no doubt that she will soon be scurrying around like her cousin, but she is going to achieve that checkpoint later than her cousin, and I see my SIL realizing that. On the other hand, Tennyson loved purees at six months when I first gave it to him, but his stomach did not. He would curl up in pain from the cramps and digestive problems. So I waited, and it wasn't until eight months that he was eating purees more than once a day. I know there's nothing wrong with that, but I still felt like he was behind. When my niece started eating purees at four months, I noticed that she could handle that much earlier, and now at almost eight months she's pretty much where he is in terms of feeding. Yes, yes, we've all been told the same mantra: Every child is different. WE KNOW! But they still can be the best.

Why Must We Be Actresses

I find myself shocked by the behavior of my peers. And although I typically try to avoid stereotypes, I find the following to be true more than half of the time: it's usually the ladies that are the worst. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a misogynist, and I have female friends. But my research has proven that guys my age are open to meeting people, and don't need the relationship to get to a later stage before they show their true colors. Women, on the other hand, are much more catty and fake. My studies show that females tend to show characteristics they think the person they just met wants them to have. Personal opinions, morals and values may be set aside temporarily, and conflicts of interest are divided into the categories of "gotta say something now" and "not a big deal". This is why two women might appear to be a match made in heaven upon first meeting each other. Once they get to know each other and stop putting up a front, they may soon find that they didn't actually like each other as much as they thought. Cattiness might rear its ugly head at this point, and catastrophe or "drama" might ensue. Rumors get spread, with side effects of backstabbing and maybe even a cat fight. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, it's all the highschool crap we dealt with. My question is, why must we be actresses? Knowing that building a foundation for a relationship and acquiring common interests is an important step to having a lasting friendship, why do we set ourselves up for failure by not showing our true colors? This baffles me. I've spoken to girls that completely wrote off all female friends because of a bad experience with one. Next time you meet someone new, I dare all you twenty-something females to question your honesty when telling this person about yourself. I guarantee it will result in happier, healthier friendships.